Flushed Away

Ode to the toilet


We're down to one toilet between us.
We've plunged and we've mopped, what a mess.
We've reviewed how to "wipe".
"Get a plumber," I gripe.
But a day later the truth will be told.
By a nervous yet giggly 5 year old.
Mom, well you should be aware,
it's not toilet paper.
There is a PEAR down there.

Which is worse....the fact that there sits a pear in our toilet, or the fact that a little "nameless" girl was eating a pear while using the bathroom.

I wonder when I lost all control. And my husband wonders if pears will decompose in water (ie....he wonders if in a few days we'll have our toilet back without a call to the plumber)

Disgusting science fact #1

When you go on a lizard chase in the house....you take a risk in injury. (how did he get in???) When you corner the lizard in a messy 5 year old's bedroom it is a good excuse to clean it. And when you finally catch the lizard there may be crying. Because mom may accidentally smash the lizard with the rubbermaid box he was hiding under. The tail may be ripped from the body. The lizard will be dead. But the tail will continue to wiggle and squirm for quite some time. All the children will find this very entertaining.

New Game

Sarah informed me she and her friends made up a new game. It is called Cops and Robbers.....I think I may have invented it myself long ago. But I didn't tell her that!

Star Wars (Rewritten)

In a home far, far away, the rebels grow restless. Luke Skywalker and Princess Leah (clad in the appropriate Halloween costumes and wielding a light saber and nerf gun) battle the Diaper Droid. Even 'Chewy" is in on the action as he paces waiting for food, water, or a walk. As chaos reigns in the home due to the noise and antics of the rebels, a communication is received from Darth Vader. At an unusually early hour, he races through the galaxy to battle the rebels, while his wife (I realize I am making up a character here) battles the forces of grime and dirt that have literally overtaken the entire galaxy. Upon entering Darth whisks the rebels away to investigage the outer planets (they are on a walk). And peace again enters the home. Darth did ask a few questions like: "Have they eaten only suger and caffeine all day?" NO! "Can I take a beer on the walk?" Absolutely! And then I wonder....is beer the FORCE?

How quickly they grow!

Sean just passed by. He carried a fishing pole (puzzle version), and a plastic cooler filled with plastic cuisine. He looked at me with his cream cheese covered shirt and impish grin and waved.

"I goin' to college, Mama", he advised.

Currently, college is located under an end table at the end of the couch. Luckily for me, his "semesters" last for about 10 minutes instead of months. And then the future flashes before my eyes, and I realize he will be grown-up and gone all too soon. Some days, the days seem to pass so slowly....messes to clean, meals to fix, housework to do, bottoms to wipe. However, when I stand back I cannot believe this journey of parenthood is already 7 years old. Where has the time gone? And how can I slow it down?

I take a deep breath and go to release the children who were banished to time-out for back-talking. We will start again, on this long day. Because it won't be so long after all.

Sweet trouble

Have you experienced the panic of not being able to find a child in the house....particularly the 2yr old child. I thought the chilren were "safely" watching a video, while I was outside attending to dog "yard cleanup" duty. Upon re-entry, I asked, "Where is Sean?" The older kids were in that television induced stupor....there wasn't an answer among them. So then I began the search.....Sarah's room amid all the "treasured" toys....Nope.....Luke's room in the baseball cards....Nope.....my room under the covers....Nope. Then I found him....in my bathroom. Eating candy. That he dug out of the bottom of my purse (for those we're out in public and you need to be quite times). His response, "I fine Mommy. Eating candy."

Love is.....

Today I discovered that love is......

Sewing Halloween and Saint Day costumes for your children. (that would mean 6 costumes!)

Patiently picking straight pins out of the carpet once your child decides the carpet makes a good pin cushion.

Suppressing the yelp when you "find" the last remaining pin in the carpet, that is now in the bottom of your foot.

Helping your child clean her room as she sobs that it is too messy to even begin.

Remaining patient when in the midst of the room cleaning you hear, "Mom I broke it and there is glass everywhere!"

Sweeping, dusting, and mopping shards of a glass picture frame from the floor, after sending the "offending son and dog" outside to play----with as much of a smile as possible.

Ignoring the wrinkly bed (mine) that was being used as a home base for both son AND DOG during an inside "ballgame".

Picking up the straight pins off of the kitchen floor after they were accidentally spilled by a child.

Sweeping and vacuuming the kitchen floor to find any stray pins.

Realizing the sewing machine somehow "broke" during the day and only mildly getting annoyed. Finding the repair shop for a quick drop off tomorrow. Saying a quick prayer that the sewing machine will be fixed shortly....there are still 3 costumes to make.

Picking up a needle and thread at 9:30 pm to see how long one can sew costumes by hand.

Bad Mom part II

A replay of yesterday... no hubby. However, today I've learned of a new game. It involves 2 kids in a bathtub full of water. It involves sliding kids and water ALL OVER the bathroom. They giggle madly and scream...."sloppy joes, sloppy joes!" If this happens to you, close the curtain to minimize water (although your floor, rug, towels will already be soaked)....and walk away.....return only when they complain the water is too cold. And refrain from making sloppy joes for dinner for a very long time!

Bad Mom part I

Desperate times call for desperate measures....or something like that. Patrick hasn't been home much this week. So last night while preparing dinner at 6:30, I was desperate for some peace, as the kids were wild and crazy. Peace can be momentarily acheived by making swords...out of sticks....and letting the kids swing away in the house. Now mind you, I was preparing the speech to give the ER doctor when we appeared with sticks in our eyes. But we made it through.

Ballpark news

We went on a fieldtrip to the Buc's football stadium yesterday. And I learned a bit more about my children based on the questions they asked.

Luke: "Where is the pressbox?" (when we were on the field)

Luke: "So how much does this cost again, and what else do you get?" (a question asked while in the club loge section)

Sarah: "Where are the doors for when they change their clothes?" (asked in the locker room)

Sean: "Riverdogs game, ball game, hit the ball outfield, see it...see it? (he will always be a baseball fan, I'm afraid)

Slugger

Sean has many talents. I just discovered he can competently hit a golf ball with a baseball bat.....and he likes to play this game for long periods of time. He and Grammy played this game this weekend during her visit. Maybe she is at home icing her shoulder.....