The long road to heaven

I am a control freak by nature. I love order, cleanliness, organization, and to-do lists. Thankfully, God in his wisdom, saw fit to give me a husband, three kids, and a dog. But sometimes the monster returns and I find myself longing for control and order.

Most unfortunately this becomes evident with regard to my kids from time to time. Like yesterday......which was a very big day for Luke, and for Patrick and I, actually. Yesterday, Luke celebrated a sacrament of the Catholic Church. He made his first reconciliation. Being the control freak that I can be, we practiced the prayers involved. We practiced the rite itself. We studied why we do this as Catholics. We studied our consciences. We studied, we discussed, we read. And all of these things are needed. But the list, well, that was a bit too "controlling". What list? Well, I encouraged Luke to take a written list into confession. I am a list maker. I have a poor memory. But, looking back on it, I wanted some sense of control over Luke's interaction with God. (How pathetic). I wanted some assurance that mistakes wouldn't be made, things wouldn't be forgotten. In addition, I didn't want to let go. I didn't want to go of my little boy, who is now seven years old. My little boy that I used to bathe, dress, feed, sing to, and play with is now capable of doing most of those things himself. And so the list was my protection. It was a way to control the situation but also a way in which to see Luke as that little boy, not the young man he is becoming. A young man who is learning his faith, who knows much of his faith, who can question and think and discuss, and most importantly a child who genuinely loves God.

After reflecting for a day, I realize that my controlling nature gets the best of me....a lot. All we can do is what we are already doing. (granted we can work on implementation and value here) We try our best to live the faith. We read, discuss, and do faith activities. We go to Mass. We celebrate the sacraments. We pray. We try to make our family a domestic church. And then the hard part, we need to let go. We need to pray that God will finish what we haven't. We pray that God and each child will establish an everlasting relationship of love and forgiveness. And that one day we will all rejoice with the saints and angels in Heaven.

Upon leaving the confessional, Luke looked at us and smiled. "Father told me I don't need a list next time. I should just think and know my sins in my heart, " he said. A lesson for a mom as well as her son.